


I.N

by serenity_axel



Series: Stray Kids: OT9 [4]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Changbin says like one sentence, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, He’s such a smol bean, Jeongin is insecure, Light Angst, a precious child, chan is there for him don’t worry, short and cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 14:35:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14696202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenity_axel/pseuds/serenity_axel
Summary: Jeongin sometimes thinks about whether Stray Kids would’ve been better or worse off if he had been eliminated from the very beginning. Luckily, Chan is there to set his thoughts straight.





	I.N

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t posted in a while, and Jeongin is such a sweet precious child that I have to write at least one story for him.

Jeongin sometimes thinks. In his spare time, between performances and interactions with the other hyungs, he just stares off into space and thinks. Sometimes he’ll think about the eggs he ate for breakfast, or sometimes it’ll be about what route to take to avoid Seungmin on days he was especially tired, or sometimes it’ll be about his lacking qualities.

Singing. Dancing. Everything that makes an idol an _idol_.

Sometimes he thinks about what Stray Kids would’ve been like if he had been eliminated from the very beginning. He thinks about whether they would be better or worse off, and no matter how many times he thinks about it, he can’t ever come up with a conclusion.

Those days aren’t so bad. Its when he starts leaning towards _better off_ that he begins to struggle.

“Jeongin-ah, your voice cracked.”

“Your tone is too airy.”

“Sing clearly, please.”

“Jeongin-ah, you’re too flat.”

“Jeongin-ah, now you’re too sharp.”

“Jeongin-“

“It’s I.N,” Jeongin sharply interrupts.

The producer directing his recording stares at him blankly for a minute while the Stray Kids members behind him all teasingly say, “Oooh, our Jeongin sure is tough.”

“ _It’s I.N_.”

A tense silence stretches out for a few seconds after Jeongin’s angry remark, until Ch an moves forward, claps the producer ohn the shoulder, and tells him, “I’ll take it from here.”

Chan sits in the chair after the producer leaves. “Let’s go again, ok?”

I.N nods. When he finishes, Chan points out his mistakes and then tells him ways to fix them, something in which I.N is grateful for. After the recording, after he’s finally fixed all his lacking qualities, while he’s heading out into the hallway to get a break from his failure, Chan slings an arm over his shoulder and leads him outside.

“We’re going back to the dorm,” Changbin shouts as they leave. Chan acknowledges him with a wave and continues walking with I.N.

The air is chilly and bites Jeongin’s face as they stroll down the sidewalk under the luminescent lamps and night sky. He shivers slightly, and Chan tightens his hold, squeezes his shoulder. It’s silent for the most part, other than the slight whistling of the wind and the soft taps of their footsteps. There’s the occasional car, accelerating past them with a whoosh and a blast of air.

“I’m really happy we all debuted together,” Chan says warmly, breaking the silence.

“What if some of us had been eliminated?” Jeongin asks quietly.

Chan pauses, thinking carefully. “I’ve been waiting seven years for this. Seven long, long, hard years.”

Jeongin’s heart sinks as he predicts what the older will say. That it wouldn’t have mattered—

“But I don’t think I would feel that good if some of us had been left behind. I think it would’ve become a little meaningless.”

His answer surprises I.N. Chan, who had suffered longer than any of them. Chan, who was left behind but fought even harder regardless of the crippling loneliness. Chan. Who should’ve debuted whether the rest of them did or not. Chan. Who didn’t want to move on without the rest of them because they were also struggling. His answer hurts Jeongin. It physically hurts, and it makes him feel so guilty.

“Hey. I.N. Snap out of it.”

I.N lifts his head to meet the older’s eyes. “I shouldn’t be this selfish,” he says.

Chan stops walking. “You’re not selfish. You’re doing your best and following your dreams and that is so far from being selfish. _You are not selfish_.”

“But—“

“You’re not selfish. If anything, I’m the selfish one.”

“Hyung!”

Chan looks at the ground, purses his lips, shuts his eyes just once, opens them, and then looks up again. “I had that thought during the reality show. That if I could just debut it would be fine. I couldn’t even take care of Minho or Felix and then they were eliminated and it was all because I wasn’t good enough for you guys.”

“Hyung, please, of course it’s not your fault. You got us all here, and you try so hard to make sure we stay here. We owe everything to you,” I.N argues desperately.

“And what about you?” Chan whispers.

He’s confused for a minute. “What? What about me?”

Chan continues. “You try really hard, too. And even when you’re criticized or someone points out your mistakes, you take it and you fix it. You do it all so we can accomplish our dreams together. So how, Jeongin-ah, are you selfish?”

Jeongin doesn’t have an answer. For the first time, thinking of himself as a failure perplexes him. “But—I’m—I’m me! I’m bad at everything!”

Chan’s face softens. “No. You’re really good, I.N. Your voice is just unique, and even if you have trouble with the choreography at first, you work hard enough to compensate for that. You’re not a burden. You’re here for a reason.”

I.N doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know _what_ to say—he’s speechless .

After a moment, “Normally you say ‘thank you, hyung~’ after a compliment like that,” Chan teases, reaching over to tickle Jeongin’s side.

Jeongin leaps out of the way, bristling with indignation. “I have enough trouble from Seungmin! I don’t need this from you!”

Chan lunges for him, probably to terrorize him some more and call him a baby, but Jeongin runs away and they begin chasing each other across the sidewalk. They’re laughing and gasping for air and tripping all over the place, but Jeongin is happy and he’s smiling and all the bad thoughts are gone.

They chase each other all the way back home. And Jeongin—

He leans, for the first time, towards _worse off_.


End file.
